They may want constant confirmation of your love and dedication to them. Relationships with borderline personality disorder are frequently chaotic, passionate, and conflict-filled. If your loved one isn’t open to seeking professional guidance and their behaviors are negatively impacting your well-being, it may be time to evaluate if you need to let go of the relationship. “Establish a support team that includes a therapist and a medical professional. If you and your partner put in the effort, you’ll enjoy a better quality of life together,” she says.
Self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal threats are common symptoms of BPD. A person with BPD may alternate between hating himself and holding themself in high regard. They may also lack a sense of direction in life, changing occupations, friends, lovers, and ambitions on a regular basis.
Supporting your loved one’s BPD treatment
Knowing this ahead of time can help the two of you prepare for the future. You may want to discuss a savings account or a backup plan, so you’re aligned when it comes to finances. For example, your partner may think you look bored and conclude you’re not happy with them.
The effects on how you think and feel can make relationships with other people more difficult. Many people with the disorder report being neglected or abused during childhood. Some people have lost or were separated from a parent when they were young or had parents with addictions or other mental health issues. Stress, depression, loss, and loneliness are common among loved ones of those who suffer from borderline personality disorder.
It was acknowledged as a fundamental psychodynamic trait of BPD by John Gunderson, MD, who expanded on it in his clinical guidebook. This doesn’t mean that everyone with borderline personality disorder acts in the same ways or repeats the same patterns. But there’s a possibility that some of these behaviors and attitudes are present in a relationship with someone with BPD.
The same study found that some people may abruptly cut off others, like unfriending or blocking them. Try not to take it personally if your partner does this to you in the heat of the moment. Your partner may spend a lot of time looking for clues about how you truly feel, like analyzing text messages, ruminating over conversations, or testing you. When you’re dating someone with BPD, there are times when you may go from being the hero to being the villain in their eyes.
Setting goals for BPD recovery: Go slowly
Bringing a partner or loved one into therapy with a BPD patient can also be helpful, said Dr. Miari, but only if the patient is comfortable with it. „Some patients are very protective of their alliance with their therapist, and they don’t want another person there to threaten or undermine it,“ Dr. Miari said. „So one has to be careful about when and how you introduce the idea.“ That’s why it’s important for partners and loved ones to be involved with a patient’s treatment—they can learn how to react in certain situations. Loved ones can also encourage skills learned in treatment that can help patients regulate their emotions and respond appropriately.
People with BPD are more likely to have many romantic relationships, which are often short-lived. Quickly changing emotions may also contribute to the relationship cycle. Your partner with BPD may experience changes in mood going from feelings of elation and enjoyment to anxiety, insecurity, or distress. Borderline personality disorder is one of the 10 personality disorders outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). A core feature of this disorder is instability in interpersonal relationships.
Healthline Media does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Emerging evidence links borderline personality disorder with neurodiversity — which may help you reframe some key BPD traits as strengths. MomsGetNaughty People living with BPD have difficulty processing or managing their emotions. Healthline has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical associations.
Abuse/Neglect
Aziz-Kamara calls for those without BPD to remember, „Our capacity to feel can lead to a lot of hurt, but it also means we have an incredible potential to love and be your person.“ „The category of BPD often is treated as absolute when we don’t know everything there is to know about the disorder,“ he tells me. As previously mentioned, the diagnosis comes from a collection of symptoms, but one symptom is focused on more than another in these discussions.
This has the result of keeping people with BPD from learning how to handle these feelings, and can make it difficult for them to make positive choices when they feel these emotions. Sometimes other people can see when someone with BPD is dissociating because the expressions in their voice or face can seem emotionless, or they look like they are distracted. Sometimes when someone with BPD is dissociating, other people are not able to see or know that it is happening. Even though I have been avoiding romantic relationships, I’ve been putting more effort into my platonic ones. These friendships have made me reflect on how I previously used to approach relationships.
Mood-stabilizing drugs that are known to enhance the activity of GABA, the brain’s major inhibitory neurotransmitter, may also help people who experience such emotional swings. Research elsewhere shows similar evidence, where about 80 percent of people with BPD experience childhood emotional neglect, physical abuse, orsexual abuse. Distortions in thoughts and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, identity, and values.